I already know no one is going to read any of this so I think Im gonna enjoy typin' this stuff haha. My Ex and I used to be so so so close, but far away at the same time. I've never met (yeah, crazy huh?). We met on YouTube. At first I didnt think much of her because she just left a random comment on one of my videos and I was just like, "Thanks" and whatever. Overtime though we started talking more and more (About 6 months straight) and I started liking the girl.
THERE WERE ALL KINDS OF FREAKING RED FLAGS!!! First of the girl was thirteen years old when I met her, and I was sixteen! But I was dumb enough to think she was mature for her age, frick no.. THEN, she knows what I believe in. I told her that I was waiting for marriage and all that crap (you know what Im talking about), but she tells me that she already got it in!? She was FREAKING THIRTEEN WHEN I MET HER!!! But I was literally retarded at this point because I still decided to keep talking to her even though I knew my feelings were talking me the wrong way.. She's also backed up a year in school, but I didnt care about any of that stuff because I liked her so much.
Even though she has all those issues and stuff, I was still very fond of this girl, she was good at having conversations, very sweet, and so energetic in a good way.. I did the best I could to look past all of her imperfections or whatever. I just recently realized that I have a very unrealistic view on how I would like my future lady to be, thats why I cant be in a relationship now, you know, frick... But ANYWAY, I liked her so much to the point I asked out a girl that I have never even met before lol. I called on the phone on January 29, 2012. I was so freakin' nervous but I just had to let it out! She said yes! I was like the happiest dude in the entire world at that point to be honest hehe..
When we first started our serious "relationship" we were so close even though we are apart. I started to see so much good in her even after she told me of her past. We got to know eachother more and more everyday, she seemed so genuine to me. However, to this day I rethink that.. One of the harsh realities of long distance relationships (ldr) is that you dont truly know who you are going out with. All the other person has to do is tell you what you want to here to keep getting your affection.
Overtime, I started to hate the fact that she gave herself away so young. If you dont know what Im talkin' about Im talking about her virginity mane. I kept it to myself for a long time, but because of that I became more insecure and jelous with her. I hated how she always talked to guys, I hated how guys flirt with her and she just went along with it. I hated all of that because in the back of my mind I felt that I would never satisfy her because Im waiting. It makes me so angry thinking about everything to this day. She told me I worry to much. Maybe she's right, but I still could never get over how she gave herself away so young.
Because of my jealously, one day I confronted her asking who was the dude she slept with. She wouldnt tell me. Its not like it would freakin matter anyway because I live like 2,000 miles below her! What the heck!? Lol, sorry lost my composer a bit.. But she still wouldn't tell me, so I ended our usually "all day long" conversation..
Ever since that night she changed in her attitude towards me. She became more secretive, never had anything to say to me. It was the worst thing because a girl that I loved (Yes I really did love her) didnt want to tell me ANYTHING. It made me want to die really, but she didn't care I think. It became so overwhelming because I thought she didnt want to be with me anymore, but she kept saying thats not the case. I just wanted her to be happy and all, she said she was, but wasnt showing that at all. I couldnt bear anymore. I thought she wanted me to breakup with her because of how nonresponsive she was to me. It was killing me inside so I had to break up with her. I thought I would finally make her happy and break up FOR her. She really did seem, and sometimes I think she really wanted me to break up with her.
The next day I was crushed, I never wanted any of this to happen. This girl was my queen. She was my everthing. I practically freaking breathed for her. And all of this just to end like that, like a snap of the fingers? I was in deep depression I think. I just didnt want to live anymore. I was suicidal, but I think I truly didnt care if I live or died. I lost my source of happiness, encouragement, and the love that I've been dumbly looking for a long time.
After a while, somehow we start "flirting" again and things seem to be patching up a little bit. But her cousin told me that she has been talking to a grown man. It was pretty scary to be honest. But it seriously broke my heart. I couldnt believe this was all happening. I confronted my ex about everyhing. And she STILL barely had anything to say except, "sorry". No explanations, no details, just sorry..... I was so agry at her.. She might as well shouldve drove all the way down to my house, rip my heart out, give it to the grown man, and have a dinner over it. (Sorry for the graphic terms but Im trying to show you what Im feeling right now). I finally just left and didnt talk to her for a while.
TO BE CONTINUED...
