Why do we exist? The only answer that makes sense to me is the idea that we are nothing more than advance mammals lol. Like, alpha male and omegas and stuff. The male has to go out on a limb to impress these females, then the female chooses and so on and so on. Its all stupid. Gosh, I feel bad cuz I have such a realist/ pessimistic view on things, but thats just what I've been grown into bro. Its like when I meet people and hang out with them all I do is laugh and chill, but when I am by myself I think about everything a lot.
I've noticed that I've grown up to be too soft. Guys bully you whilst females don't respect you. Still, I try everything I can to remain positive towards other people. However, the more I friggin' try, the more they wanna stretch my patience and see what they can get out of me. I avoid most intereaction with females now, and I dont really have a lot of friends anymore.
I don't even care about stuff anymore. Only reason why I am alive is because of my parents, and I dont know whats on the other side of death lol. Like, if I knew I will go to a better place when I die, I would leave in a heartbeat bro. But nothing can be proven or disproven in the realm. It sucks. I hate the ambiguity, nothing is clear.
Like why does everything have to be so dang complicated and confusing, why do I even avoid cursing lol?? I dont even know if God exist, but I still excercise the morals my parents instilled in me haha. Nothing is clear, there's no set objective to aim for. Just hope really.
I dont want to say I'm suicidal, but I every few days I really want to leave this planet like Doctor Manhattan. Life is not what I was told.